NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
