Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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