He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
