How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
