My hand turned me down
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
