The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
