a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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