tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
