Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
