We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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