you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
