i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
