If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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