I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
