So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
try to milk me bitch
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
