She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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