When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
