Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
