just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
