My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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