So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
