You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
