The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
