He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize