girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
