It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
