I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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