You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
