I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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