I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
