I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
