The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
