My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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