i permit you to call me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
