The maid of honor just puked.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
