and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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