i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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