Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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