You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
