You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
