Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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