after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
