Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
