he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize