Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
