Swine flu. Run for my life!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
