I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
