Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
