belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
