she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize