i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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