how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
