You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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