summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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