yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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