Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
