Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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