She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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