some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
