Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
