with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
