Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
