Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
