I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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