Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
