I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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