I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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