It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
