There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
