Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
