I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
